Wednesday, June 30, 2010

the Oriental Tom Cruise??




Apparently, around thirty-five or so years ago, Tom Cruise's father went on a sexpedition to Bangkok, Thailand and failed to take adequate protective measures.

Witness the Asian Tom Cruise.  Looks like him.  Talks like him.  Thinks he's charming like him.  Might be a better actor.  Essentially a twin except for that pesky half-Asian DNA.

As you likely know, this guy shills insurance for State Farm.  ALL the time.

For some reason, I just think casting this guy is silly.

Cut to the board room:  "Ok, I got this guy.  Looks and acts like Tom Cruise, except he's not.  And he's kinda Asian.  But he looks like Tom Cruise."

Anyway, since I generally dislike Mr. Cruise, I have no choice but to dislike Mr. Cruise.

Do you suppose Tom is embarrassed?

Do you suppose his dad is sweating a paternity suit?

Ford guy redux


So I guess the guy in the Ford commercials that bugs me is a guy named Mike Rowe, who hosts the "Dirty Jobs" show on Discovery Channel.

Which I guess somewhat explains his appearance that I previously referred to as dirty and in desperate need of a shower.

You know the expression about being careful what you wish for?

Well, in the new spot that I saw last night, he indeed appears to have taken a shower and decided to not look so grubby.

However, and I love this part....

Having now showered, I'd recommend one of two wardrobe changes for Mike.  Either:

1] a different shirt, or

2] a sports bra, so his floppy Phil Mickelson-ish man-boobs don't continue to reduce me to laughter.


Coming soon: a rip on Mark F. and his queeny, blatantly flaming, partner in the Progressive auto insurance commercial.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Mexican border redux

Again, Sir Felipe Calderon, do you really not have anything better to worry about than how your countries illegal immigrants are being treated?

http://reggiefcat.blogspot.com/2010/06/mexican-teen-shot-at-border.html

http://www.startribune.com/world/96135139.html?elr=KArks:DCiUBcy7hUiacyKUnciaec8O7EyUr

woohoo!!

Either I'm legitimate now or a sellout.

I have allowed Google to place ads on my blog, although I can't encourage anyone to click on the links [wink, wink].

Ironically, I wanted to click on a few of the links, but again, am prohibited from doing so.


Oh...if any of the ads you see on here are for dating/sex/singles sites, please let me know.  My boundary for advertising content on here is a certain level of tawdriness.


Cliff Notes: Why I Hate American Idol



First off, the title is arrogant.

Like I should "idolize" someone who wins this?  Screw that.

Second, as a legitimate fan of music, I'm offended by any artist who achieves popularity this chintzy way.  The show is less about music than a sad desperation to achieve notoriety.

It's a slap in the face to serious musicians everywhere, both accomplished and unknown, who have toiled in anonymity, touring in cramped vans and playing in small sweaty bars to often indifferent crowds as they hone their craft, not making millions, but instead hoping just to pay rent and have enough cash left over for an eighth of pot.

Music is much more vital at this grass-roots level, as serious passion is required to endure the ups and downs and more downs of being a struggling musician and escape the meat grinder that is the local music scene.

American Idol?

A cheap attempt to shortcut the system by being telegenic and winning a high school popularity contest via text messages.

A more apt show title would be "Fame Cheaters."

And the judging panel?  Do any self-respecting musicians really ascribe much credibility to them.  Being judged by that panel is akin to being an aspiring novelist and getting critiqued by the editor of Mad magazine.

To be fair, I've only watched about 20 minutes of the show.  Ever.  Yet somehow I suspect that had I watched every minute of every season, my opinion wouldn't be different.

pet peeve #71




Ok, so this is a screen shot of the online version, but my peeve is actually the television spot that airs ad nauseum.

In a nutshell, what they are pitching is "any pizza, any toppings or specialty" for whatever price.  Seems straightforward enough.



The snag occurs on the word "any."

Because it really isn't "any" pizza when a certain type of crust is excluded.  This is exacerbated on the commercial by the use of the phrase "any pizza" at least five times in thirty seconds.

Furthermore, the excluded crust is considered a specialty item, which is specifically included.  "Any pizza, any toppings or specialty..."



"Any" is inclusive.  Exceptions are exclusive.

Who's writing this ad copy?  Someone from the local community college ESL classes?

Seems pretty simple to me and my Minnesota small-town public school education.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Mexican teen shot at border.....





http://www.startribune.com/nation/95860179.html?elr=KArksUUUycaEacyU

[insert applause]

Hey, dickhead...I'm guessing that it really sucks to get shot and killed.  The difference between you and I is that I won't be trying to cross the border illegally anytime soon.  Let's see, however, if we can apply a few lessons from this experience.

Lesson #1:  Um, this should be obvious here.  There's a legal way to cross the border and an illegal way.  The legal way can get you a low paying job, possibly healthcare and sideways glances from committed ethnocentrists.  The illegal way can get you a bullet in your noggin, a little press coverage and some measure of outrage.

Lesson #2:  Um, this should be obvious here.  If you're coming to a gunfight with only rocks, perhaps you should postpone.

Mexican President Felipe Calderon apparently is pissed, saying that his government "will use all resources available to protect the rights of Mexican migrants."

Hey Felipe, just a thought here.  How about using "all your resources available" to improve your country to the point that it's not such a toilet bowl that your people want to leave it in droves?

Or how about using "all your resources available" to fight rampant government corruption and drug cartel activities?

Any thoughts on those ideas Felipe?

I see nothing wrong with the United States defending their borders with lethal force, especially with such obvious countermeasures: enter legally.

Since the bearded jackoffs declared war on us it would be downright foolish to allow any of our borders to remain as porous as they once were.  Times change, deal with it.